


Allez Les Blues

by popo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-03
Updated: 2013-02-03
Packaged: 2017-11-28 01:53:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/668918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popo/pseuds/popo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Eridan attends college and has adventures in soapy drama with his housemates, his classmates, the coffee shop, and attractive people. Lots of attractive people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Allez Les Blues

It was a hot September. Most would describe it as ‘a dry heat’. Eridan thought this was bullshit. Hot weather was hot weather; whether it was dry or humid, at these temperatures everyone stayed inside for the air conditioning or at the very, very least at the beach or a pool or something that stopped the sun getting to you.  
  
Eridan predictably didn’t smile much moving into his pool-less, fan-cooled apartment provided by his new college situated several hours inland. Yet the weather wasn’t the worst of it: he had to share a house. With strangers. There weren’t many things that topped that on Eridan’s imaginary and sadly doomed to remain forever unpublished List of Things That Are Terrible, meat and Dane Cook notwithstanding. Still, it was a nice looking house, and as with most of his property gave the illusion of being much more expensive than it actually was. His parents, while called by his friends at high school ‘rich bitches’ (he didn’t talk to his friends from high school anymore) were living up more to the latter half of their title this year, insisting Eridan pay for his own food and rent. Much like they had in previous years demanded he pay for his own holidays and private outings. And before that, clothing. They said it was to ‘strengthen character’ and ‘foster independence’ but he knew it was really just because they were both massive fucking  
tightarses. Still, they’d done a good job of helping him along the path, finding him the property, and they were still paying for his tuition. They could be forgiven. For now.  
  
He pulled up with his carload of boxes right in the heat of the day to find himself the second to arrive. Pulling what seemed to be the last of her boxes out of the trunk of her car was a devastatingly attractive girl (Eridan decided that he might be more okay with the ‘sharing with strangers’ situation at this point) with stupidly long brown hair and a… was that a Rainbow Fish t-shirt? Eridan had loved the book as a child but seeing an adult woman wearing what seemed to be a homemade shirt depicting it was a little odd. As she moved towards the door with her boxes a weedy looking kid with –a mohawk? These people were weird – walked out of the house and gave her a peck on the cheek. Oh no. He wouldn’t have to be sharing with a couple, would he? If they had the bedroom next door to his he just knew he’d have to be dealing with a Cronus-Ampora-Couple-Houseshare situation. His brother had moved in with his friends for his first year of college, friends who had been a couple since apparently the beginning of time. All Cronus had to say was ‘she’s a screamer,’ and Eridan had worked out why he constantly had bags under his eyes whenever he came home to visit. It was a relief to see the kid slip the keys into the girl’s pocket and clamber into the driver’s seat of the car. Eridan was pleased that he may actually be able to include sleep in his schedule this year.  
  
Still, he wouldn’t be sleeping at all if he didn’t get the fuck out of the car and start moving his – oh god oh god was it really this fucking hot? Eridan’s face sank as he contemplated the task ahead of him, a contrast to the bright beam of the girl walking out of the house to greet him.  
  
‘Oh my god HEY. Are you going to be my flatmate? My name’s Feferi! This is going to be FANTASTIC. I can tell.’  
  
‘Uh, hi. Eridan. I’m sure it’ll be great… ‘s a bit fuckin’ hot though for movin’, dontcha think? How are you so happy?’  
  
‘Well, it’s sort of a dry heat? I don’t know, I’m just REALLY excited.’  
  
Eridan felt like punching this girl in the face a bit. But she was seriously pretty. Curvy pretty, not like a model. He hated the cliché comparison but she really was Monroe-esque. No punching a face like that. Not that he ever really punched faces. Not properly.  
  
‘What room you in? I got number two, I think that’s one o’ the upstairs ones yeah?’  
  
‘Oh, I’m in three! We’ll be neighbors!’  
  
Fortunate the kid wasn’t living there.  
  
‘Cool. I’m just gunna, ah, move these boxes o’ mine upstairs, if that’s cool.’  
  
Feferi offered to help, which Eridan was not at all surprised to hear. The box moving took about an hour and she hardly stopped talking the whole time. She was a second year Environmental Science student which led him to realise that it wasn’t a Rainbow Fish shirt but just a shirt with a rainbow fish – she’d loved the ocean since she was a kid apparently, and wanted to study Marine Biology but didn’t have the marks to get into any coastal colleges close to her and so ended up coming here for the apparently reputable environmental course. ‘We’re going to make nature documentaries!’ she had exclaimed giddily, the ‘we’ referring to herself and her film student boyfriend Tavros. Of course he was a film student. No-one in science could legitimately wear a mohawk.  
  
What Eridan was pleased to hear though was that she was a vegetarian. It meant they could share food cost and cooking duties and also not irritate him with horrific meat smells. Eridan wasn’t really sure why he was a vegetarian, but meat had never seemed important and he liked telling people how good vegetarianism was. It was rare he found a willing discussion partner though.  
  
‘All those poor animals! I can’t study the environment and EAT IT at the same time!’  
  
‘Fuckin’ A. Not to mention meat doesn’t even taste that good.’  
  
‘OH MY GOD and all the overfishing and stuff? Everything would be so much better if no-one ate meat.’  
  
Yeah. This girl might be alright.

 

It was late when the last housemate arrived. The sun was still hanging around – the sun hung round til nine, fucking summer – but Eridan and Feferi had finished their takeout dinner and were talking as some sort of crime drama blared ignored on the TV. There was a knock at the door.  
  
‘Yours Eridan.’  
  
‘Hey, no way. You get it.’  
  
This went back and forth until there was another knock.  
  
‘Fine then,’ Eridan sighed and opened the door. A tall, lanky kid smiled evenly back at him. His arms seemed too long for his torso which seemed too short for his legs. He was only carrying two bags, and there was no car parked outside. Eridan hoped that the weird first impressions he was getting would prove to be like Feferi and this kid would turn out to be completely normal and ration-  
  
‘Hey, motherfucker. I all up and lost my key, how’s that for a first day. Anyhow, it’s a pleasure to make your motherfucking acquaintance.’  
  
-oh dear. Despite the heavy profanity that Eridan was sure would offend most, the guy didn’t seem threatening. But he was definitely off-kilter. He spoke with what sounded like a southern accent but was much more eloquent and spoke much more clearly than he was used to from southerners. There was no skipping over anything – it was sharp and clear and very very odd to hear from the rough looking kid.  
  
‘Uh, hi. I’m Eridan. And you are…?’  
  
‘Gamzee.’ With that he pushed into the house and walked over to his room only to stop and say again, ‘oh. I did all up and lose my motherfucking key, didn’t I? Looks like I’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.’  
  
Gamzee didn’t talk much for the rest of the evening. Just the bare essentials of conversation – not that he needed to speak more, Feferi spoke enough to more than make up for it – but he didn’t respond to any of the small talk staples of age, course, interests. The guy had looked somewhat surprised when Eridan mentioned he was studying physics, although physics was hardly an interesting topic, but apart from that had the same deadpan grin the entire night. He was also vegetarian though, and Eridan decided he could deal with a generally unobtrusive, if odd, flatmate who ate the same food as him. Eventually Eridan decided it was time to sleep and left the other two to their devices as he slid into his covers for his first night adjusting to the new bed.

The college, in their infinite wisdom, had decided to start the accommodation contract two weeks before the commencement of classes and a week and a half before orientation. This left a week for students to ‘get settled’, but Eridan and his housemates were nice and established by the third day. Chore rosters were done up to ensure the cleaning got done, Gamzee got his key so he could actually live in the place (although Eridan doubted the key would survive long), and food along with other essentials were bought. Which took up all of half a day. The rest of the week was filled with gratuitous internet usage and collective movie watching, thanks to a complete lack of other things to do that didn’t involve spending large amounts of money. Fortunately for the underage Eridan, Feferi had recently come of age and was able to purchase alcohol for the house, although she had initially firmly rejected doing so.  
  
‘Isn’t that ILLEGAL?’  
  
‘Technically yes, Fef, but we’re on private property. No-one’s watchin’.’  
  
‘That doesn’t make it right.’  
  
‘But no-one will even care. Seriously, it’s not that big a deal.’  
  
‘I’m not going to give anyone cause to arrest me!’  
  
Eridan was getting desperate. He’d need alcohol if they were going to be having this conversation often.  
  
‘But ain’t that half the fun? Stickin’ it to the man. Fuck the system. All that shit. C’mon, I didn’t move out o’ home to be an innocent fuckin’ little kid and I doubt you did either.’  
  
Feferi giggled. This was a good sign.  
  
‘Oh, alright then. Can’t say no to a winning attitude like that I guess. Are you going to shut up about it after this?’  
  
Eridan spent that night hunched over a toilet seat. It turns out being skinny does not mean you can drink most of a bottle of vodka and still be ‘alright’. Although that could either be skinny or just human. One of those. Still, it was a distraction, and the rest of the night had been fun. It had turned out Gamzee had been into a similar vein of music as him – that is, 90s alt-rap which Eridan liked largely because it made him feel badass. Feferi showed off her ballroom dancing skills to the completely unfitting Jurassic Five that Gamzee had put on and Eridan thought he might be a little in love before remembering her outcry from the previous night that The Dark Knight had been ‘too violent to enjoy’. Still, it was only one night killed, and a week was proving to be a much longer time than Eridan remembered it being.  
Finally, orientation rolled around. Eridan knew that Feferi would be hanging around for the Science and Engineering faculty orientation but was surprised to see Gamzee tagging along behind them, being lanky, quiet and awkward as he always seemed to be.  
  
‘Gam! You’re doing a science course?’  
  
‘Yeah, motherfucker. I’m gonna be getting my physics on like a real motherfucking scientist.’  
  
That would explain his surprise several nights previous. Eridan considered the fact that it might make no sense based on what he knew of Gamzee, but dismissed it as he didn’t really know anything of Gamzee and it wasn’t like anything could seem incongruent with the guy at this point. Case in point, the boy two feet shorter than him that was currently in the process of procuring a forced piggyback.  
  
‘Gamzee, you are fucking carrying me into this horrific orientation and ensuring my arms stay far away from anything that could possibly be forcibly stabbed into my ears, you got that?’  
  
‘Best friend! Of course, no sense in getting any stabby shit near that face of yours, is there.’  
  
‘And who’s this dick with the glasses?’  
  
Eridan pushed the rim of his squarish prescription Ray-Bans back up his nose and put on his most venomous face.  
  
‘And why is he pulling that fucking retarded face at me.’  
  
‘My name is Eridan, you little shit.’  
  
‘Gamzee you have terrible taste in friends. Case in point, this douchebag, and also me.’  
  
‘Oh come on now, best friend. Eridan is all sharing a house with me, being all motherfucking polite and nice and shit.’  
  
The kid’s face seemed to relax at Gamzee’s vouch for Eridan as an alright guy. He looked about fourteen with his pimply face and tousled hair that looked as if it hadn’t seen a shower in several weeks. That and his oversized black jumper in summer Jesus Christ was everyone he met going to be this fucking insane?  
  
‘Well uh… hi then. I’m Karkat. You doing physics as well?’ The polite turn made Eridan feel a little guilty for grumbling obscenities at him.  
  
‘Yeah, Gam was just tellin’ me how he was doin’ it as well. Looks like we’ll be sharin’ some classes.’  
  
‘Assuming we survive this fucking orientation.’

 

They survived the fucking orientation. The head of the science faculty, a guy by the name of Scratch attempted to bring up a prepared presentation but being a sixty year old man had no idea what he was doing and managed to break the lecture equipment enough that IT had to be called in. Feferi went straight to fiddling on her phone and Gamzee had to run outside for some reason that Eridan knew he would never learn and so no option presented itself apart from ‘converse with Karkat’.  
  
‘So you’re, uh, friends with Gam?’  
  
‘Yeah, that dick and I have been close since, I don’t know, the beginning of the fucking universe or something. He’s a dick, and I hate him and everything he does, but he’s my dick, you know? Shit, that didn’t come out right at all. Uh… yes. We are friends.’  
  
‘But you’re not sharin’ a house? Haven’t seen you round at all.’  
  
‘Gamzee had this all figured out ages ago. I’m a fucking indecisive twat so I only decided to come here and hang out with him doing whatever the fuck I’m actually studying at the last minute. Moved here yesterday. Will probably come visit soon, you don’t seem like the fucking awful whiny hipster your glasses and fucking hair… holy shit do you have purple streaks?’  
Eridan did indeed have purple streaks. They weren’t bright, just dyed enough into his brown hair to be visible under the right light, and gelled back into a slightly bunchy fringe. Eridan loved his hair.  
  
‘Yeah, so fuckin’ what?’  
  
‘Nothing, just I assumed you were some sort of normal fucking human being.’  
  
‘Yeah, well, fuck you too.’  
  
Scratch managed to get his act together at this point, and it was clear that Karkat had been correct in his doubting their ability to survive. The presentation was slow and dry with only some stupid clip from The Big Bang Theory (number eight on the List of Things That Are Terrible) to interrupt the droning of information that had all been on the introductory emails. Eridan hoped that they wouldn’t be referencing that all year in a desperate attempt to engage the students and wondered if he would be needing Gamzee to restrain his arms from grabbing anything pointy. Thankfully it was over within half an hour and they could finally escape to wonderful, wonderful fresh air and not science orientation.  
  
Feferi pouted. ‘Well that was long and boring and a little bit pointless.’  
  
‘Hey, sis, at least we ain’t dead.’  
  
‘We nearly fucking were. It was close. Does anyone else want coffee because I am going to the coffee shop or I may again perish.’ Eridan wasn’t sure if Karkat was some sort of super-hypochondriac or if he just really liked exaggerating how much he needed things. Probably the latter, seeing as he was capable of logical thought and there’s no such thing as a super-hypochondriac.  
  
‘Jesus Kar, calm down, you might pop a vein if you get this fuckin’ worked up about everything.’  
  
‘What the FUCK did you just call me.’  
  
‘Kar? I don’t know, I shorten-‘  
  
‘Fuck off. My name is Karkat. If you’re going to halve my name at least fucking call me Kat, so I don’t sound OH WAIT, then I sound like a girl, how about you just use the whole fucking name?’  
   
‘Kar it is. You wanted coffee?’  
  
Karkat yelled a lot more on the way to the coffee shop. It was a bit endearing. Eridan bought everyone coffee, pretending to not have ulterior motives but secretly cackling internally at his new leverage to get everyone to buy him coffee later on. Feferi wanted it flat and white, Gamzee wanted hot chocolate because apparently ‘coffee makes it all too much’, although it was never specified what ‘it’ was and how it could possibly increase in whatever dimension ‘it’ had. Karkat and he took coffee the same way – espresso. Eridan liked the fancy look of the tiny cup but Karkat just didn’t believe in diluting his favourite source of energy. As Eridan was ordering, though, he noticed the smallish sign taped to the counter.  
  
‘Staff Wanted.’  
  
‘Hello. What can I get you,’ the barista groaned at him. It was only eleven but her eyes were dropping and she looked far too tired to contemplate smiling.  
  
‘Uh, just a couple coffees – ‘ Eridan recited the coffee order, ‘-and I’m just wondering about the position you have open.’  
  
‘Casual, we fit round your classes, you make coffee. Do you have a resume,’ she deadpanned at him. She looked like she could be happier – her blue makeup was neat, her hair messy but stylishly so – there was no way she had just climbed out of bed.  
  
‘Uh, no-‘  
  
‘Do you have any experience making coffee.’  
  
‘Well-‘  
  
‘Well then why the fuck are you asking for a job.’ Eridan’s hypothesis that she had been tired was proven wrong with the new evidence that she, in fact, just straight-up seemed to hate him.  
  
‘Never fuckin’ mind then. Just the coffee.’ Eridan dumped the change on the desk and went to sat down. She brought the coffees out a few minutes later, dumping Eridan’s particularly unceremoniously on the table and walking away.  
  
‘Eridan! What did you say to her?’ Feferi looked shocked.  
  
‘Nothin’! I asked for a job and she got to grumblin’ at me and apparently that’s cause to be a right bitch about everything.’  
  
Eridan took a sip of his coffee, spat it out on the ground instantly and marched up to the counter.  
  
‘What the FUCK is this? I ordered fuckin’ coffee and this tastes like fuckin’ burnt decaffeinated shit or somethin’-‘  
  
‘Yeah that’s pretty much it. Be a dick, you get all the decaf. All of it. Also I may have forgotten to actually tamp it or clean the machine. I don’t know, sometimes I just get a bit forgetful!’  
  
Everyone on this campus was completely out of their mind. There was no other explanation. Eridan wondered how long it would take before he completely lost his sanity.

  
It wasn’t until the first class for Eridan’s single foundation unit – Science Communications, the writing class that assumed you had no idea what an essay was or indeed what words properly were – that he met Sollux Captor. He had trudged in, the absence of anyone he had met so far almost as irritating as the fact Eridan hated essays. He had chosen physics because – apart from its status as the purest science from which everything else was derived, and its utter absence of bullshit – he would largely be able to completely avoid the things. Lab reports, sure. The occasional research assignment. But doing something entirely unrelated to any other unit he was taking in the interests of ‘learning proper scientific writing techniques’ which honestly does not require two hours a week of torture seemed to be quite distant from his best interests. Yet, it was a compulsory class, and so Eridan placed himself next to a weedy looking kid with what looked like dark blue tinted glasses.  
  
‘Hey. I heard this class was a bit horribly borin’, you ain’t heard anythin’ to the contrary have you? I’m livin’ in hope but-‘  
  
The kid turned and Eridan saw that the other lens didn’t in fact match the other. Where the light had caught his eye earlier, it had seemed blue but now he could see that is was rather a scarlet red. Jesus, and people called him a pretentious douchebag. Yet instead of a greeting or really anything that would be considered a standard social grace, Eridan was treated to a curt ‘Fuck off.’  
  
Well, he was certainly direct.  
  
‘Excuse me?’  
  
‘I said fuck off. Did I fucking stutter?’ The kid had a lisp. A bad one, too. It was a little painful to listen to, and turned what Eridan had first seen in the kid as a sort of mild hipness – what with the glasses, and the ironic t-shirt he was wearing, and the baggy jeans with presumably Chucks (he couldn’t see, but also couldn’t imagine the kid wearing any other shoes: seriously, he was just the type) – into a defence mechanism. It wasn’t a desire to ‘be cool’ but just ‘blend in’; he was probably a total nerd who couldn’t handle the real world. Naturally, Eridan could tell everything about the kid from two sentences and a speech impediment. He was just that incredible a psychoanalyst.  
  
‘A bit fuckin’ rude, don’tcha think? I ain’t asking for any sort a politeness-‘  
  
‘And I’m not giving you any. Since you’re the same asshole as everybody else, here: I’m Sollux, orientation is shit, I study computer science, no, no, fuck you, no. Happy? Now please: fuck off.’  
  
Eridan decided it was time to maybe fuck off. Just a little bit. Not enough to actually give the kid what he wanted but enough to make him stop yelling. So he shut up, let the skinny bitchy green-jacketed woman give her similarly skinny and bitchy talk (speeches, unfortunately, couldn’t wear green jackets, which Eridan imagined she may have been disappointed about at some point, that jacket was so goddamned green) about how important her class was and how scientific writing blah blah blah and snuck the occasional glance at Sollux. He was quite pretty – not Eridan’s level of pretty, of course – but he was slim and fit, if a little pale, and his hair sat at nice angles in its tousled mop on his head. There wasn’t even any product in it. As if someone could have hair that styled without gel. If the guy hadn’t been busy being a complete dick, and Eridan had the romantic confidence beyond ‘admire from a distance’, he was sure they could have dated in another weird alternate universe where they were the the last surviving members of their species of horned grey aliens… or something. Maybe they could be nocturnal, and then they could have animal guides who taught them how to live, and-  
  
Alright, yeah, that was stupid. Sure, Eridan liked checking people out, possibly to a level that could be described as ‘mildly creepy’, but he was nowhere near the sort of level where he’d actually ask someone on a date. He’d tried that shit in high school and wound up being laughed at. So, uncomfortable silence sat between the two for the remainder of the class. Eridan tried initiating conversation once or twice, as the class was even more goddamn boring than he had imagined it could be, and this was a class on essay writing. Sollux just sat and stared, checking his phone occasionally, completely ignoring every obviously witty and amusing comment Eridan had to make. After the class was dismissed he yanked himself up – yep, chucks were definitely what were on his feet – and marched out of the room. Eridan wanted to follow but he lived in the opposite direction. Another time.

‘Don’t worry about it,’ Feferi had said. ‘It’s not like everyone is going to love you the first time you talk to them.’  
  
‘Yeah, but it’s not like anyone has to be an ass about it,’ he had replied. It was the next day now, and Sollux had wandered in three minutes after the lecturer had started. She gave him an angry glare and he apologised. The harsh look he had on his face previously was replaced with a much nicer – still downturned, but much nicer – expression.  
  
‘Look, Eridan-’  
  
‘Fef, it’s not like I’m a little kid. I can handle someone not likin’ me.’  
  
Eridan really wanted Sollux to like him. He didn’t know why. Maybe he felt the kid needed him. Maybe he just felt a bit alone, and the kid, despite the fact he’d spoken only two sentences featuring a number of repeated words that were largely ‘fuck’ and ‘off’, just seemed like someone who could be right. Maybe he was needy and Sollux was hot.  
  
‘ERIDAN! Don’t condescend me like that.’ Her pout really was adorable. ‘I’m just saying, you’ll have to wait for him to talk to you. It’ll probably be more hate, but what can you do?’  
  
‘Hey, I’m a single man, don’t fuck with my plans.’  
  
‘Is she really pushing Mac right now.’ Eridan was snapped back to the present moment at the sound of Sollux's voice. It was even a sarcastic question directed at him. It was a shame in his largely unattentive state he could only manage an incredibly stupid sequence of words.  
  
‘I dunno, I sorta like ‘em. They’re… shiny.’  
  
‘You are so the hipster your hair suggests.’ He was even smiling a little now. This was a dramatic change from earlier. Ordinarily Eridan would have been offended but even he couldn’t be angry at a cute boy smiling at him. It was maybe a bit fast but hell, Eridan was a fantastic reader of people and he knew that his guy was definitely and irrevocably into him. Or he’d been reading too many slashfics online (one, they were adorable, two, fuck you). Definitely one of those. He considered that he may have a problem.  
  
‘Yeah well, whatever. It’s not like you ain’t a hipster yourself, Mr I Have Different Coloured Lenses.’  
  
‘Hey! I wear these for a legitimate reason, dick.’  
  
‘I don’t think ‘lookin’ pretentious’ is generally regarded as a legit reason.’  
  
‘Oh my god. You are seriously calling ME pretentious right now. This is not happening. I have a flippy purple hair guy calling me pretentious. Come to think of it, I never got your name.’  
  
‘Uh… Eridan.’  
  
‘Sorry about yesterday. I hate everyone. Oh, and Sollux, in case you’d forgotten.’  
  
Eridan hadn’t. ‘You can be forgiven, but man you were bein’ a bit of a sour dick back there.’  
  
‘Yeah, look, bad day. I don’t fucking know. Anyway, seeing as how this college and I’m meant to be social or some retarded bullshit like that, do you want to hang out or something this weekend? I’ll invite a few more of the guys or whatever, make it a party.’  
  
Eridan giggled. Silently and completely internally, of course. No sense in doing something that girly in public.  
  
‘Hey, Fef,’ he had decided to ask the night before. ‘The last person you dated. How did you get together? Did you do the askin’?’  
  
‘Yeah, but just on a little group gathering. You’ve got to know someone before you get all romantic!’  
  
This was totally going to be a date.  
  
‘Can we FOCUS please?’ The teacher growled at them. Eridan was, naturally, one hundred percent focused, but also one hundred percent focused on something that was definitely not essay writing and could only be counted as schoolwork if you were really desperate to dig for a double entendre.  
  
He talked with Sollux a bit more before the end of class, finally exchanging phone numbers and heading back home. He was treated to a little smile as they walked in their respective directions.  
  
If he was Feferi, he probably would have squealed a little.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is interesting. First fic. Feedback is appreciated cause I have no idea what I'm doing :I


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